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Deviousness |
'..
Up into[Unto] the starsof [shining] night.
I hope to find
My own delight..'
Overall, its a nice little poem and you did a great job writing it!
As for the edit to the last stanza I feel as if its too much to say in one breath and breaks the flow (but that might just be me). I did have some trouble with it, however to me it fits best as is. I will try to look into some better wording for it perhaps.
I will suggest on slight word choice change:
"I rise my dear
past the earth."
^ You have "pass the earth," which is loose grammar, that sticks out due to the clear rhyming pattern you've established. You can change this by writing "past."